As much as Disney has done to make queues fun and interactive…..there’s one thing they’ll never be able to control (as always)…their guests. Fortunately however, the Disney crowd is as predictable as any. There are a few people who you will encounter in every single line:
- The Noobs– We all know this one…..asking each other if they’ve heard about fastpasses, assuming they can ride Seven Dwarfs Mine Train “real quick before lunch.” It’s not your fault you overhear their conversations and it’s not your fault that it makes your ears bleed.
- The Skipper
“Excuse me, I’m trying to meet up with my family.”
Your thoughts: Why aren’t you together? Did you have to eat a dole whip before you came to this line? Was it good? Why didn’t you bring me one? Do you know that the world is not flat, and that it doesn’t revolve around you? Do you even have a family up there?
Your actions: *steps aside because you’re not about to awaken the wrath of a Disney mom but on the inside…
- The Creeper– I don’t mean creep as in creepy. I mean creep as in, “Can you please get out of my space?” Despite common belief, the encroachment on the party in front of you does not actually make the line move any faster……you smell like sweat and ride water and you need to get your own bubble…..preferably one that contains odor.
- The Space Cadet– On that note, we also have those on the opposite end of the spectrum. They are literally so preoccupied with everything that they forget the reason we are all gathered here today…..to get to the attraction at the end of this line. Darn you interactive queues!
- The Mr. Steal-Yo-Friends– This guy. This guy here. King of overhearing your conversations and putting his two cents in. It’s funny because all those bright shiny faces around him look like his family……we hope he returns to them.
- The Rogue Juvenile- Hint: Swing.
*swings on ropes
*swings on chains
*swings on railings
*SWINGS LIGHTSABER INTO YOUR LEG! JEEZ, THE SWISS FAMILY TREE HOUSE IS OVER THERE. PLEASE RETURN TO IT YOU ANIMAL!
*Swings fist at child………just kidding………….deep breaths.
- The Chick Hicks– Driver of an Electronic Convenience Vehicle (ECV). There’s a reason they aren’t called Lightning McQueens………Lightning never tried to run people off the road……. It’s okay……you probably only need one foot anyway.
- The Irritated– Never did a basic google search of Walt Disney World before arrival. Assumed the happiest place on Earth was a desirable vacation spot for only his family. Assumed their children were the only ones off of school in the month of June. Assumed pixie dust cured kids of needing naps. Assumed lunch could wait until 3pm. Assumed wrong on…………everything.
- The Smooth Criminal– Aw man, these guys really pull one over on the mouse. You see, the technique here is to enter the stand-by queue and then ever-so-swiftly leap over a divider to get into the fastpass line. You pop that imaginary popcorn and get ready because you know there are at least 2 more fastpass+ checkpoints ahead.
- The Pro– Fanny packs, CamelBaks, park maps, baseball caps. These are the conversations you should really be listening in on. These people haven’t waited in a line longer than 20 minutes in the last 20 years. They have the entire theme-park strategy down to a science. You should ever so discreetly bow as they walk by.
Have I missed anyone? I’d love to hear your take on who you meet in line at the Disney Parks.
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